The Intricacies of the Female Mind
by Kitty's Muse
Summary: England has once again messed up on one of his spells  while drunk, none the less  and turned all the male nations into females. But how will they be able to fix such a problem when he can't even remember what he did? CRACKISH/GENDERFLIP
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: The Beginning

It all started with a curse. (Why does it _always_ start with a curse?)

"I'm gonna geet tha' damn Amurica, hic!" England grumbled as he slammed open his front door (after crashing into it first) and stumbled inside. "Tha' FOOL ees gonna geet eet nauw, fa'—" He paused for several seconds at the head of the stairs, attempting to think of a decent reason. "Fa' leavin' meh in th' war an' fa' all thos tiems afterwa', tha' blooody Yankeh! Hic!" Ah England. When he's drunk he's so predictable. Which means, unfortunately… No, not Britannia Angel. As amusing as _that_ is, it tends to entail spells over curses, and we already know that a curse is involved. Of course, it _could_ be Russia…

Nah, too scary. Besides, that takes eighteen years and a lot of church cooperation to work. He's also not dumb/drunk enough to mess up on a curse. Now, let's get back on track already!

"Imsheh bo' koooo~! Ta' too' boo' CAAAEK! Ey' took sueeeeh boooeh!" Okay, so maybe we didn't miss much. But still! Even though that babble is _certainly_ not Latin or Welsh it is still vital to be able to understand this story. Well, maybe not, but it does serve a (very obvious) purpose for this particular plot. And perhaps the fact that England is so drunk that he can't eve

…

Maybe I shouldn't write so late at night anymore…

Anyways, the guy is _so_ drunk that he probably doesn't even know or realize what he's saying. Which is, of course, why we're here. What? This isn't breaking the Fourth Wall! Now, an actual _character_ doing this would be. I'm just the narrator of sorts for the moment. And stop derailing my train of thought!

"Kua waah TOOHH—" At that moment the spell circle (when did he draw _that_, and how come it's so neat when he can't even sit straight?) glowed a quite bright shade of pink before some sort of visible light wave (and don't ask me about that because I don't know either) burst from the circle outwards. At this point England's tired body and exhausted mind (and mental capabilities) gave up and he was removed from reality at the moment by passing out. Unfortunately for many other individuals they didn't have that blessing.

* * *

><p>"Kesesese… Bru—ahem, <em>schwester<em>—, guten morgen! Kesesese!"

"What are you laughing about? And why in the world did you call me that?"

"Because you _are_ mein schwester, kesese."

"Have you even looked at yourself this morning, Prussia? Or should I also call you 'schwester'?"

"…AAAH! Mein Gott, I have _breasts_!"

"You scream very loudly, schwester."

"_Danke_, schwester."

* * *

><p>"Oh, good morning, big— …"<p>

"What is it, Liechtenstein?"

"When did you become my big sister? It's rather cute."

"Wha-what? I-I'm not a woman!"

"You're funny, big sister. But we need to go shopping, because you're too big for my clothes. Or maybe Hungary has some she can spare…"

"No! I don't need any clothes! I'm fine!"

"You're so funny, big sister."

"I'm not trying to be funny! And stop calling me that!"

* * *

><p>"Where are you, Hong Kong, aru?"<p>

"Here, Teacher."

"You look prettier than me, aru! And so does Macau…"

"What do you mean, Teacher?"

"You haven't noticed, aru?"

"Noticed what?"

"…"

"There! Yesss! YOUR BREASTS BELONG TO—"

"Korea, don't even like try it."

"Why did you run towards _hi_—I mean _her_, aru?"

"Because you haven't changed, aniki, and how can I pass up on an opportunity presented to me like _that_?"

"…"

"…"

"Oh, you _did_ change, aniki! In that case… YOUR BREASTS BELONG TO ME, DAZE!"

"LET GO OF ME, ARU!"

"…I actually did like already know I was a chick. I just like wanted to mess with you, Teacher."

"_You-_ aaah, let _go_, aru!"

"Ahahahah! I don't think I will, daze!"

"NNNNNNNNNO—"

* * *

><p>"VEEE- Romano!"<p>

"Stop yelling, Veneziano! I'm right here, idiot!"

"But fratello, I looked down at myself just a moment ago and realized that I'm not the same!"

"You _just_ found that out? I noticed that two minutes ago! You're worse than the tomato bastard."

"Ve, you do know you're a girl too, right fratello?"

"… Of-of _course_ I do! How stupid do you think I am? …_Merda_."

* * *

><p>"Hey Canadia, dude! Guess what happened this time?"<p>

"_You turned into a girl?"_

"Yeah! How'd you guess?"

"_I'm one too… and so is everyone else._"

"_**What**_?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hello, readers! Sorry for not having updated on anything in months. My summer was extremely busy and I didn't really have any time to write. Now that school has started I've been able to write a lot more (ironically I actually write the most during the school day, as I write in a notebook that also serves as a general school notebook) and I should have the third chapter of _Catastrophic Confusion_ up soon. For now, I decided to upload this short, sillier story (sadly unbeta-d) in an attempt to branch out a little more. Yes, it's the classic "the characters got genderbended/England messed up on a spell or curse again" but I'm hoping that I'll be original enough to make it an entertaining read. (The majority of the chapters also won't be just dialogue. I thought it would be interesting to have here, so here it resides. It was honestly very weird to write.)**

**So, readers/reviewers, I would like you to tell me at least one thing in particular- What about this is funny and what isn't? I've never been very good at humor in real life, so I have no clue if any of this written humor is amusing or not. Feedback in that area (and how in-character the countries are) would be greatly appreciated. **

**Criticism of all types is greatly appreciated. (And as is usual for fanfic authors to say, outright flames will be used to build a nice fire to roast marshmallows over. Said marshmallows may or may not be used for diabetes-inducing fluff scenes, as they may be thrown at the flamers instead.) **


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: The Meeting

"We are all assembled for the third day of the bi-yearly World Conference." The now feminine German was standing near one of the ends of the main conference table, seat pushed behind her and hands set firm on the surface of the wooden table. "I am proposing a change in the agenda, due to a… recent event."

"Seconded." A frowning Austria put her hand into the air, fidgeting slightly with the edge of her dress and glancing at a silently fuming Hungary.

"Who votes for this change in agenda?" Every nation's (and several other entities') hands went up. "Measure passed. I feel the need to remind you all to raise your hands before talk—"

"Seriously, who the heck had the idea to do this?" America quickly stood up, her skirt swishing slightly. Germany sighed and sat down, putting a hand to her forehead. The North American nation didn't pay any attention to her, opting instead to point at everyone at the table with a large sweep of her hand. "Whoever caused this should fess up right now and fix it!"

England didn't bother to stand up, instead going right into speaking without any warning. "Who says this was done by any of us? Have you even thought about the cause being some sort of natural or political event?"

"I think you did it, Angleterre," France brought up, twirling a part of her darkened hair with her finger. "After all, you've created several similar instances in the past."

"Well, frog, I did all those things knowingly, even if I made a few… mistakes that affected more than my intended targets. Last night, however, I got _moderately_ intoxicated, came home, and fell asleep without having done anything else." Of course, she _had_ woken up in the basement, but she thought this was because she had fallen down the stairs and had knocked herself out—again. In this case, ingnorance wasn't quite bliss but it _was_ certainly amusing.

"I don't believe you, sourcils."

England pushed herself up quickly, pigtails swinging and anger rising. "What did you call me? I will get you for that, you—"

"SILENCE!" Germany yelled. "This is not a time to start fighting. We should focus on solutions for this issue, not justifications for petty grudges! Now Austria, you may speak."

She lowered her hand, rising to her feet. "Thank you, Germany. I think that we should note any factors that may be involved in this. Have any female nations been changed?" Silence. "… Alright then. What were those changed doing at the time?" A cacophony of voices sounded.

"ONE AT A TIME! Alright Italy, you may talk, but no declarations about pasta this time."

"But it's related to pasta!" She whined, but still hopped out of her seat eagerly. "Me and fratello—I mean sorella were making spaghetti with tomato sauce when I noticed we were girls!" The other Italian looked ready to protest but was reduced to grumbling when Germany glared at her.

A—is she _shaking_?—not very happy Russia stood, scooting slightly away from her younger sister. "My sisters were visiting when I suddenly was like this." The air around her seemed to darken visibly as she smiled slightly. "Whoever did this will admit to it soon, da?"

"Like being a creep will help," The albino—perhaps? Of some sort?—in the corner of the room brought up. She smirked. "Besides, don't tell me you don't like having boobs at all. Being a chick isn't awesome, but it's not that bad when you—"

"If you know what's best for you, you'd shut up right now." The sound of Hungary's frying pan falling against her palm was rather clear in the quieted meeting room, as was the look of (perhaps not _righteous_) anger on her face.

The Prussian flinched slightly, but (stupidly) continued talking. "Just because you're upset about the lack of your 'yaoi' or whatever you call that freaky crap you worship doesn't mean that the rest of us have to—"

_BAM! _THUD. "Never think that because you've changed into a girl physically that you're immune from me beating you up, _Prussia_," Hungary added, stepping over the knocked out ex-nation and sitting back in her seat. She noticed the expressions of fear from many of the nations assembled (though Russia was smiling happily, Austria looked slightly smug and Germany just seemed resigned) and put the pan under her chair, allowing for them to relax and resume their chatter before Germany had to restore order again.

"I was taking a shower, aru," China started, reddened hair having been placed into buns with a large flower and hat, courtesy of Taiwan insisting on doing so until the older nation had allowed her to do so ("After all, all you put your hair up into is that horrible ponytail, and you look even prettier as a girl!"). "I was washing my hair when I noticed that it seemed longer—" Several nations giggled or snickered, with one person asking another in a stage whisper how she could have noticed something as minor as that. "AIYAH! Be quiet, aru!" The Chinese woman glared at several people (and South Korea, as she already did that anyway just in case) before continuing. "That's when I noticed I had… that I was a female, aru."

"I just noticed!" Aforementioned Korean piped up, grin wide. "And when I saw Hong Kong and Aniki I just couldn't help but be happy!" Both Hungary and China twitched noticeably (oddly enough for different reasons though the cause was obvious) but made no movement otherwise. Hong Kong didn't seem like this exclamation surprised or fazed her at all.

"I'm rather pleased also," France added. Judging by the expression on Romano's—ahem, excuse me, _Romana's_—face and the lack of England's fury towards the well-renowned pervert France was currently feeling up the oblivious nation to her left—Spain, of course, though I didn't really need to tell you that—and so seemed very pleased at the moment. "After all, I _must_ say there are inherent advantages to this that several of my fellow countries have already picked up on." Suddenly, Spain jerked in her seat before hurriedly scooting towards Romana and clung to her arm. As the Southern Italian sputtered ("Wh-what do you think you're doing, bastard?") the French nation's face fell and it looked as if she was muttering "merde, she noticed when I got up to those". But of _course_ that couldn't be it. Spain actually noticing France's public gropings of her? _Spain noticing something for once?_ Never!

A still wounded, but now conscious, Prussia sat up, glaring at the conference room ceiling as she rubbed her head with one hand. "Hey, he—she's not _that_ dumb! She notices stuff… most of the time. Sometimes. Occasionally. But at least she's not as unawesome as you are, you creeper. Get a life alrea—Oww!" A potato appeared from seemingly nowhere—okay, maybe it _did_ come from absolutely nowhere—and hit the Fourth-wall breaking _loser_ in the face! "Scheiße! That's so unawesome! You stereotypical—" Several more starch-packed vegetables slapped her in the face (not slap like what my hand would do, but close enough), with the addition of some wurst and a few cans of _American_ (the **best** kind!) beer. "You little—" A soccer ball to the stomach did a fine job of shutting her up (finally!) and so she instead started to heavily curse in German under her breath—at least I think that's what she was doing, judging by the little bits of the language I could catch and understand (which is admittedly very little).

As is the case with many cases of fourth wall breaking, no one else cared or noticed the loser/offender. (_"You bloede kuh, deine Mutter schwitzt beim kacken…" Smack! "Verdammt!"_) In fact, Germany had determined just moments before that the mmeting was going nowhere useful (what with several nations having already gone off into discussions about the ruins of their mother's they had recently uncovered and what color they were painting their house _this _time) and decided to bring an end to it. "This discussion is getting nowhere!" Great way to repeat things, Germany. (_"Hey, shut up!" Thunk! "Verdammt! I can't throw this stupid watered-down excuse for alcohol that high!"_) "I propose that we bring this up again, with the solution or solutions you have produced, on the tenth day of this Conference and _not discuss it_ until then. All who approve?" A little over half of the hands in the room rose, though none of them looked very pleased about it. "Measure passed! Now," she glanced at her watch, "It is time for the lunch break. We will resume in an hour." With that, most of the nations quickly left, with Russia nearly running away from her… eccentric sister and Cana… Canarda? Canda? Oh, you know who I'm talking about! _That person_ being run over by several nations before managing to get out of the room into the adjacent hallway. Poor thing is still unnoticed, even as such a cute girl! …Who was I talking about again?

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Aww, Canada, why are so just so adorable as a girl? It kind of makes me regret having you still be ignored by so many people. **

**Anywho, how many of you participated in the Hetaween event? (How many read the strips period? XD) That's partially why I haven't updated this week. I've been writing this and my other two stories during some of my more laid-back classes (along with doing some doodling), but since I've been busy doing both homework and checking for updates this last week I didn't really have any time to type up and post the newest chapters. However, chapter three of Catastrophic Confusion and chapter six of Capitalists should be coming pretty soon. (Otherwise feel free to bug me about it until I do. :P) **

**I am also sorely tempted to somehow include the Halloween costumes for this year into either this story or Capitalists. (Either that or mention through some method India and his apparent *ahem* bromance with Prussia. Or the incident at the end with America and England... or Hong Kong and Iceland interacting... /is still stuck in fangirling mode)**

**Also, do any of you have any characters in particular you'd like me to focus on? I have some chapters already somewhat planned out, but this story is based on even less of a structure than Capitalists is and I want to write something that you'd be interested in and would perhaps find funny (or at least insane- either way it's sort of supposed to be crack in some ways, so...). Basically, if you have any burning desires let me know and I'll see what I can do!**

**Until later then!**


End file.
